Many parents wonder if their child has emotional difficulties and needs therapy. This blog explores factors to consider when making this important decision. A second blog will look at how to choose a counsellor or therapist to meet your child’s specific needs.
Most children are resilient and able to weather the storms life throws at them. Children naturally use play rather than talking as their main problem-solving tool.
Children who are bereaved, if allowed to express their grief, usually emerge stronger, even more healthy emotionally. The same goes for children whose parents go through a relationship breakdown. Students who are being bullied at school can learn strategies to cope without the need for professional help.
Such types of children will often have short times of intense, heart-rending sadness, tears and despair. A moment later they are playing and laughing as if they haven’t got a care in the world. Watch and listen to their play and you will notice that emotionally healthy children are resolving their current difficulties by bringing them into their play.
For a while after any crisis, healthy children are likely to experience temporary regressive behaviour. There might be more bedwetting or thumb-sucking than before. The child may need more cuddles and want to be extra close to their parents/carers. Soon, though, the child works through the issue and moves on.
Children with special needs and those with long-term illnesses generally learn effective coping strategies. Some may benefit from counselling to build confidence and self-esteem at various stages as they come to terms with being ‘different’. Those on the autistic spectrum, including children with Asperger’s, can benefit from therapy to manage living the right way up in what many of them see as an upside-down world.
There is a fine line between highly active children and those who are hyperactive. Normally active children will have times of quiet and a reasonable measure of self-control. A child with true hyperactivity (often called ADHD) has difficulty stopping and has an uncontrolled ‘wild’ streak. Such children could benefit from therapy to develop coping strategies in addition to prescribed medication, if any.
Children needing therapy will often show regressive, unusual, demanding or disturbing behaviour that does not seem to improve. Beware, though, of making judgments based purely on bedwetting. It is quite usual for a small percentage of children to continue bedwetting up to the age of 10 or even 12. If the child continues after that age it is almost certain that there is a physical or emotional cause.
Children needing therapy may also show signs of comfort eating or going off food, not sleeping properly or tending to isolate themselves.
One of the most upsetting things is to see a child of any age sink into depression. Watch especially for any signs of self-harming – head banging, biting finger-ends, scratching wrists or other self-destructive behaviour. Children who are depressed or anxious may be put on medication. But they will also benefit from therapy to resolve underlying issues.
Emotionally disturbed children of most ages will often show by their behaviour that something is wrong. They may have times of extreme and unexplained anger. They may become acutely anxious. They may engage in ‘naughty’ behaviour ranging from answering back and defiance to stealing and aggression. At school such children are often labelled EBD (Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties). Therapy can help many such children to gain some emotional literacy which can lead in turn to behavioural changes.
Children affected by adoption or fostering will often have difficulty ‘attaching’ to adults or other children. They may go through stages of defiance that leave them isolated and lonely. Therapy can provide them with the skills to relate to others, a skill that other children learn naturally through early attachment to their birth parents.
Those children who have faced trauma of any kind will benefit from therapy, even if it is a long time after the event. Traumatic events tend to stay locked up inside, causing emotional blockage.
Roger Day is a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist and a Certified Play Therapist. Christine Day has a Diploma in Counselling and an NNEB qualification in working with children up to the age of seven. Together they offer therapy for children of all ages and their families from their base in the Midlands of England.
